The Colbert Report

Steven Colbert: I knew this was a problem, but I had no idea the scope of it until I watched the Sunday shows. Look at what Arlen Specter said at 10:03 on Sunday morning.

Sen. Arlen Specter, R-Pa.: We have approximately 11 million undocumented aliens here.

Steven Colbert: Now look at what Ted Kennedy said at 10:33.

Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass.: There are 12 million individuals that are here in the United States.

Colbert: One million illegals snuck into this country in half an hour.

Jay Leno: Well, the good news is Congress is cracking down on illegal immigration. The bad news, a head of lettuce will now cost $300.

Leno: You know this problem of illegal immigration is nothing new. This, we've had this for a long time. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people." Yeah, same, same thing.